The Senate Judiciary Committee passed the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) on Thursday, February 2nd, with additional provisions that go further in ensuring the safety and welfare of children in particular. This major feat was marred by Republican opposition, as not a single one voted in favor of the bill’s renewal. If they only knew the consequences of leaving children helpless to domestic violence, they would understand the critical importance of reauthorizing this essential piece of legislation. Without its reauthorization, which will be up for review by the full Senate shortly, the future for the most innocent domestic violence victims looks grim.
Here is the reality. Children raised in homes with domestic violence are 50 times more likely to abuse alcohol and other drugs and six times more likely to commit suicide. Nearly two-thirds of convicted murderers between the ages of 11 and 20 who commit homicide killed the man abusing their mothers. Alarmingly, 90 percent of prison inmates report that they experienced domestic violence as children. The damage doesn’t end there. This epidemic costs the United States more than $600 billion annually in direct and indirect costs. But the truly staggering price is the loss of human potential. More than 40 million adults in the US were such children and are still struggling with the self-destructive falsehoods that they learned and internalized from their experience.
Calls for an “end to the cycle of violence” cannot logically end without a substantial focus on the children. Domestic violence programs throughout the country seem primarily concerned with adults who are involved in violent relationships. The focus on children is a distant second and often altogether absent from the dialogue. But more than two-thirds of children who are raised in violent homes will go on to repeat the cycle in adulthood and become the future adults that laws and lawmakers legislate to keep safe or guard against. These children and the adults who once were these children desperately need a voice. They need to be an integral part of the national discourse on domestic violence and an essential component of any legislation that exists to guard against it.
The Violence Against Women Act reauthorization bill addresses the critical needs of youth affected by domestic violence. This is an important measure we cannot afford to ignore. Reach out to your Senators and be a voice for these children. Send them a clear message to put those hard-earned taxpayer dollars to good use for a cause that really matters – to our children and our future.
Bill Livermore
Executive Director
Makers of Memories Foundation
(Written by guest blogger Kelley Ward, Ph,D, RN, C)
Mr. Bill Livermore,
- Dr. Kelley Ward
I watched the Dr. Phil show and as a nurse, child development researcher/advocate, and author I decided to write an article about the issue of children witnessing domestic violence. The article is called Children That Witness Domestic Violence. Please consider linking my article to your website or blog. I have received a lot of traffic from this article and pointed the traffic to your website. I’m doing this in order to help you spread the word about the reality of domestic violence.
Kelley Ward, Ph,D, RN, C
A groundbreaking episode of “Dr. Phil” will air Monday, January 16th on CBS affiliates nationwide, focusing on the impact of childhood exposure to domestic violence. This episode, with an audience of three to four million viewers, will mark the first time that a significant national television program has dedicated an hour of programming to what UNICEF calls “one of the most damaging, unaddressed human rights violations in the world today.”
This is a noteworthy development because there are five million children in the U.S. who were exposed to domestic violence in 2011. Nearly two out of three of those children will go on to repeat the cycle of violence as adults. There are also 40 million Americans who have been exposed to domestic violence in their lives and are still living with the effects. Addressing the children who are exposed to domestic violence and the adults who used to be those children is critical to ending the cycle of violence
Importantly, I wanted to take a moment to let you know that we need your support to help to bring about positive change in the lives of millions of children.
We would very much appreciate your support in our efforts to end domestic violence. If you would like to join us, here is what you can do:
- Visit: www.makersofmemories.org to learn more about Makers of Memories and to learn about resources to help if you or someone you know is in need.
- Watch the January 16th airing of the Dr. Phil Show and email and Facebook the producers to tell them how important this topic is to you
- Visit our Facebook page at: www.facebook.com/#!/makersofmemories and “like” us to show your support for these children.
Thank you so much.
Bill Livermore
Executive Director
Makers of Memories
On Monday Jan 16, Makers of Memories will be featured on the Dr. Phil show. Below are some of the messages Brian F. Martin conveys to the children on the show directly impacted by domestic violence. These very same messages may be helpful for you or someone you know.
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The message shared on Dr. Phil
I am here with you because I went through some of what you went through when I was your age.
I understand.
I understand what it’s like to be a child and to see the people I love most get hurt over and over. I know what it feels like to be hurt by them.
To be unable to stop it. To feel it was my fault. To feel unloved.
And I know a lot of other children who are like us and adults
Continue reading »
“I love what Makers of Memories is doing!” – Dr. Phil
This holiday season is a great opportunity to bring hope and healing to the over 3 million children whose homes are filled not with the joy of the holidays, but rather anger, violence, and fear. By making a generous donation today, you’ll help ensure that these children can rely on the Makers of Memories Foundation to transform their stories of struggles into stories of success, their tears into smiles and most importantly, to give them new memories liberating their potential and providing for a happier, healthier future.
The Makers of Memories Foundation has been working since 2007 to transform the lives of children impacted by domestic violence and the adults who were these children. We recognized early on that family violence was an ongoing cycle, and that the key to breaking it could be found within the incredible resilience of the children themselves. This year we’ve collaborated with domestic violence scholars, met with countless lawmakers and policy makers on Capitol Hill, and developed groundbreaking programs communicating the message that violence in the home can no longer be a social secret.
Now more than ever, during this holiday season, these children need your support.
Our unique action plan is comprised of 5 key elements that work together creating innovative methods of accomplishing our mission: Awareness and Education, Support Services, Research, Intervention and Advocacy. We are partnering with domestic violence shelters, advocacy groups, social service agencies, scholars, community groups, businesses and private citizens who share our vision.
Thank you on behalf of all of us at the Makers of Memories Foundation.
Our warmest wishes for the holidays,
Bill Livermore
Executive Director of the Makers of Memories Foundation
Soldiers in Combat and Children at Home: The Effect of Violence on the Human Brain
Recent studies show that children who suffer from domestic violence display similar brain activity to combat veterans. Both exhibit increased sensitivity to potential threats, sensitivity to their environment that increases their susceptibility to psychological troubles later in life.
It has long been confirmed that experiencing domestic violence in childhood is one of the strongest environmental factors contributing to anxiety and depression. However, until functional brain imaging studies were recently conducted by the University College of London, there existed little physical evidence of this phenomenon. As Dr. Eamon McCrory, of UCL’s Division of Psychology and Language Sciences, author of the study that appeared in Current Biology, states “relatively little is known about how such adversity ‘gets under the skin’ and increases a child’s later vulnerability, even into adulthood.”
The UCL study is just a glimpse at the physical manifestation of domestic violence on the brain through a child’s neuropathy. McCrory states in the study “We are only now beginning to understand how child abuse influences functioning of the brain’s emotional systems. This research is important because it provides our first clues as to how regions in the child’s brain may adapt to early experiences of abuse in the home.”
In the study, brain scans showed that children who experience violence in the home, after being presented with images of angry faces, show increased activation in the areas of the brain associated with threat detection. They are, in effect, better at sensing that something bad is going to happen or that some pain is going to be inflicted on them, as do soldiers: scans of combat veterans display similar hyper-awareness of potential dangers in their environment.
While these adaptations do not signify brain damage, they do suggest increased vulnerability to stress and in turn, psychopathy, for the children who suffer from domestic violence. The University College of London’s study highlights the need to redirect society’s attention on the pervasive effects of domestic violence on the child and the need to continue working to put an end to the trauma for our children.
Amy Richards
I wish every child who has witnessed domestic violence in their homes could hear this.
“It is not your fault.”
I wish every woman who has experienced domestic violence in their homes could hear this.
“It is not your fault.”
The most important thing I have ever learned from my fifty hours of training to become a volunteer helping those who had been through domestic violence and sexual assault was this:
It is not their fault.
How is it that when we hear of someone that is being beaten in their home, our automatic response and question is, “Well, than why didn’t she just leave him?” or “It is her fault for staying.”
How can it be that the natural response is putting the blame on the person that is being abused rather than questioning the abuser. The questions should be, “How is it that this person thinks they can beat up someone they say they love? How is it that they think violence is okay?”
In order for this violence to change, we need to change our mindset from blaming the victim that is going through the violence, and start putting the blame on the abuser. We need to stop blaming the victims that are going through the domestic violence. There is only one person to blame in this situation: the person that is being violent.
The Makers of Memories Foundation is a foundation aimed at ending domestic violence and helping those children who have witnessed or experienced violence in their homes.
To end domestic violence entirely sounds like a big goal. Maybe you even think it sounds far fetched. To help all of the children who have experienced domestic violence also sounds like a big feat to accomplish as well.
But history has showed us that anything is possible. Many people doubted that slaves would ever be free in the Civil War, many people doubted that anything positive or that anything would change from the Civil Rights Movement.
But those doubts were wrong and history was changed forever. The people who kept trying to change the world for the better ignored those doubts and persevered. Society was changed for the better.
Now it is our time to change the nation and to end domestic violence.
Let us not doubt that ending domestic violence is impossible. Let us not doubt that the children that have seen the worst sights in front of their eyes can still have a bright future, full of love and free of violence. Let us not doubt those that are being abused, but rather empower them.
To live a childhood free of witnessing violence in the home should not be a privilege, it should be a right.
Laura Sandall
It seems that exposure to physical abuse or domestic violence affects brain patterns in children according to Dawn.com. In fact, children exposed to domestic violence situations show similar brain patterns to soldiers that have been in combat situations reports the website.
Dawn.com has reported on a study in the science journal, Current Biology. In this study children were shown pictures of angry faces and as a result two areas of the brain, the anterior insula and the amygdala, showed heightened activity. These same areas of the brain were activated in studies of brain scanned soldiers who had been in combat.
43 children were used in the study, 20 of whom were known to have been exposed to violence. The children were shown male and female faces showing, sad, calm, and angry expressions. The children that were exposed to violence showed a reaction to the angry faces. According to the researchers this suggests that abused children and soldiers had developed to become “hyper-aware” of danger as a defense mechanism.
Eamon McCrory of Britain’s University College London who led the study also links the responses as an underlying neurobiological risk factor that increases a child’s susceptibility to later mental illness like depression.
This troubling picture highlights the name of this blog even more poignantly. The children who are exposed to domestic violence in the home are not only making memories but having their minds effected by the violence they witness and/or experience. How crucial it must be to remove them from such situations before the damage is irreparable.
Stephen Lehrisson
What is a healthy relationship?
As I look back on my childhood, I feel blessed to have grown up with loving parents who raised my brother and sister and I in a healthy, safe environment. I don’t remember ever feeling fear in my home growing up; I never remember hearing arguing or experiencing violence in any way. I think the way I grew up has a lot to do with how I am in my own relationships now. I can’t stand being yelled at and I have a strong idea of what a healthy relationship is.
However, working in a shelter with victims of domestic violence and hearing about stories from friends of my own has showed me over and over again that violence in the homes happens to many, many people. I have asked a few good friends what it was like to grow up in a domestic violence home as children and how it has affected them now as adults. I think the most profound thing that I heard from these individuals who had experienced domestic violence in their homes as children, was that for that whole time growing up they had no idea what a healthy relationship was. Sure, they could watch TV and look at the families on there, but the television shows are often unrealistic, and only show a portion of what a relationship would be like. No family is perfect, and often television and Hollywood only paint a black and white portrayal of what a family life would be like. That is not reality.
One of my good friends often saw his dad yell at his mom and emotionally abuse her after he came home after work and got drunk. He experienced his dad hitting him and yelling at him as well. He has told me that during that time, he felt incredibly helpless. The experience of going through domestic violence in his childhood deeply affected him. And he expressed his general fear that he had as a child of his father and his mother’s new boyfriend who often would yell and beat him. A general fear that he may be beat to death. “When you are a child, anything seems possible. You haven’t even built the ability to understand long term consequences for your actions, so how could you comprehend other people’s boundaries? You are inferior, with no power, and you know it. It’s a helpless feeling.”
The one thing that he really wished growing up is that he was able to actually see what a healthy relationship was. He said that going through the domestic violence as a child affected how he handled conflicts as an adult and that he thought the only real way to handle conflict was to “be really loud and to have a temper.” Without knowing how to handle conflict and without knowing what was healthy in a relationship played a direct role in the relationships once he was an adult.
That is where we can help. We can help children understand what a healthy relationship is, that violence is not the answer and that it is possible to have a loving relationship without the violence. It is our job as society to be showing examples to the children what it means to be in a healthy relationship, what it means to grow up in a home without violence. It is our job as society to end the cycle of violence. If a child has no idea what a healthy relationship is and grows up believing that violence is normal in the home and in their relationships, then how will the cycle of violence ever end?
It’s time to end domestic violence. It’s time to put a stop to the idea that violence in the home is normal.
Laura Sandall
This holiday season, Ben has one wish:
“Dear Santa, some people want a phone or a computer for Christmas. Well, all I want for Christmas is for the violence to stop.”
Ben is one of thousands of children who will draft similar letters to Santa this year, as domestic violence continues to poison the holiday cheer. An unfortunate result of heightened financial stress and family anxieties during the holiday season may be increased violence in the home: it is well known that Christmas is a peak time for psychological troubles, but domestic violence incidents peak around the holidays as well.
Ben’s family never celebrated Christmas in any special way, for fear of abuse if Ben’s father were to drink for the occasion. After years of violence, Ben’s mother finally fled Ben’s abusive father, deciding it was time for a change. His touching wish was recorded as part of a program designed to help him understand his past and move forward on a path free of violence.
Children coping with their traumatic past write similar letters in programs throughout the country. One “Worry List” includes the plea “Please help children like me. Don’t ignore what’s going on behind closed doors.”
We cannot continue to allow Ben’s wish and the pleas of thousands of children alike to go unanswered this holiday season. The innocent children who suffer daily from domestic violence are asking us to help break the cycle of violence from which they suffer.
Amy Richards
Ben’s Only Christmas Wish…
This holiday season, Ben has one wish:
“Dear Santa, some people want a phone or a computer for Christmas. Well, all I want for Christmas is for the violence to stop.”
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Ben is one of thousands of children who will draft similar letters to Santa this year, as domestic violence continues to poison the holiday cheer. An unfortunate result of heightened financial stress and family anxieties during the holiday season may be increased violence in the home: it is well known that Christmas is a peak time for psychological troubles, but domestic violence incidents peak around the holidays as well.
Ben’s family never celebrated Christmas in any special way, for fear of abuse if Ben’s father were to drink for the occasion. After years of violence, Ben’s mother finally fled Ben’s abusive father, deciding it was time for a change. His touching wish was recorded as part of a program designed to help him understand his past and move forward on a path free of violence.
Children coping with their traumatic past write similar letters in programs throughout the country. One “Worry List” includes the plea “Please help children like me. Don’t ignore what’s going on behind closed doors.”
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We cannot continue to allow Ben’s wish and the pleas of thousands of children alike to go unanswered this holiday season. The innocent children who suffer daily from domestic violence are asking us to help break the cycle of violence from which they suffer.
Amy Richards
The Makers of Memories Foundation brings positive, transformational change to children impacted by domestic violence. You can make a difference.
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