Mr. Rod Hairston is the author of “Are You Up for the Challenge”, International Performance Coach, and former U.S. Special Forces.

This is the first installment in a ten-part mini-series for men, communicating novel insights on the topic of domestic violence.

**********MESSAGE #1**********

In my last blog the question was asked, “Why does a strong man hit a woman?” That, of course, might only be a strong man in the physical sense, not the emotional sense or the mental sense. He may be expressing physical aggression to satisfy his quelling ego with the one person who can impact his ego more than anyone else, or he may be expressing how he’s really feeling about himself with his aggression toward someone he’s supposed to love and adore.

What he does not understand is it’s an unconscious pattern that’s been passed down in several unconscious ways. Whether it’s part of his culture, religion, or family modeling (experiencing this abuse as well), it’s incredibly unconscious and it seems remarkably comfortable when it destroys any opportunity for him to truly love and appreciate himself. He has to know that he has the power to break the pattern and create an empowering alternative that will help himself, most, and then everyone impacted with this insidious behavior. I will provide 10 pattern-breakers over the next several weeks to support you in healing and creating the life and compelling future that supports you and your family.  Let’s talk about the first pattern interrupt.

1. Create a vision of how you want your relationship to be with your wife and kids a few years out. Write it out and put the emotion of what your leadership and example does for them. A great example of a vision for your family is:

In three years I see my children marvel at the changes I’ve made. They recognize the situations that triggered uncontrollable rage have completely gone. They get a chance to have peace in their home and in their future, knowing if their father can change they can too. My wife and I still have our issues and she knows that I finally respect her at a soul level.  I respect her future image in the minds of my children, I respect myself enough to not damage my core anymore and it gives us opportunity to move forward. My children are starting to experience joy as well as self-love and I feel the best I’ve ever felt about me.

Comment, let us know what you think!