It seems that exposure to physical abuse or domestic violence affects brain patterns in children according to Dawn.com. In fact, children exposed to domestic violence situations show similar brain patterns to soldiers that have been in combat situations reports the website.

Dawn.com has reported on a study in the science journal, Current Biology. In this study children were shown pictures of angry faces and as a result two areas of the brain, the anterior insula and the amygdala, showed heightened activity. These same areas of the brain were activated in studies of brain scanned soldiers who had been in combat.

43 children were used in the study, 20 of whom were known to have been exposed to violence. The children were shown male and female faces showing, sad, calm, and angry expressions. The children that were exposed to violence showed a reaction to the angry faces. According to the researchers this suggests that abused children and soldiers had developed to become “hyper-aware” of danger as a defense mechanism.

Eamon McCrory of Britain’s University College London who led the study also links the responses as an underlying neurobiological risk factor that increases a child’s susceptibility to later mental illness like depression.

This troubling picture highlights the name of this blog even more poignantly. The children who are exposed to domestic violence in the home are not only making memories but having their minds effected by the violence they witness and/or experience. How crucial it must be to remove them from such situations before the damage is irreparable.

Stephen Lehrisson

What is a healthy relationship?

As I look back on my childhood, I feel blessed to have grown up with loving parents who raised my brother and sister and I in a healthy, safe environment.  I don’t remember ever feeling fear in my home growing up; I never remember hearing arguing or experiencing violence in any way.  I think the way I grew up has a lot to do with how I am in my own relationships now. I can’t stand being yelled at and I have a strong idea of what a healthy relationship is.

However, working in a shelter with victims of domestic violence and hearing about stories from friends of my own has showed me over and over again that violence in the homes happens to many, many people.  I have asked a few good friends what it was like to grow up in a domestic violence home as children and how it has affected them now as adults. I think the most profound thing that I heard from these individuals who had experienced domestic violence in their homes as children, was that for that whole time growing up they had no idea what a healthy relationship was. Sure, they could watch TV and look at the families on there, but the television shows are often unrealistic, and only show a portion of what a relationship would be like. No family is perfect, and often television and Hollywood only paint a black and white portrayal of what a family life would be like.  That is not reality.

One of my good friends often saw his dad yell at his mom and emotionally abuse her after he came home after work and got drunk. He experienced his dad hitting him and yelling at him as well.  He has told me that during that time, he felt incredibly helpless.  The experience of going through domestic violence in his childhood deeply affected him.  And he expressed his general fear that he had as a child of his father and his mother’s new boyfriend who often would yell and beat him. A general fear that he may be beat to death. “When you are a child, anything seems possible. You haven’t even built the ability to understand long term consequences for your actions, so how could you comprehend other people’s boundaries? You are inferior, with no power, and you know it. It’s a helpless feeling.”

The one thing that he really wished growing up is that he was able to actually see what a healthy relationship was.  He said that going through the domestic violence as a child affected how he handled conflicts as an adult and that he thought the only real way to handle conflict was to “be really loud and to have a temper.”  Without knowing how to handle conflict and without knowing what was healthy in a relationship played a direct role in the relationships once he was an adult.

That is where we can help. We can help children understand what a healthy relationship is, that violence is not the answer and that it is possible to have a loving relationship without the violence.  It is our job as society to be showing examples to the children what it means to be in a healthy relationship, what it means to grow up in a home without violence.  It is our job as society to end the cycle of violence. If a child has no idea what a healthy relationship is and grows up believing that violence is normal in the home and in their relationships, then how will the cycle of violence ever end?

It’s time to end domestic violence. It’s time to put a stop to the idea that violence in the home is normal.

Laura Sandall

This holiday season, Ben has one wish:

“Dear Santa, some people want a phone or a computer for Christmas. Well, all I want for Christmas is for the violence to stop.”

 

Ben is one of thousands of children who will draft similar letters to Santa this year, as domestic violence continues to poison the holiday cheer. An unfortunate result of heightened financial stress and family anxieties during the holiday season may be increased violence in the home: it is well known that Christmas is a peak time for psychological troubles, but domestic violence incidents peak around the holidays as well.

Ben’s family never celebrated Christmas in any special way, for fear of abuse if Ben’s father were to drink for the occasion. After years of violence, Ben’s mother finally fled Ben’s abusive father, deciding it was time for a change. His touching wish was recorded as part of a program designed to help him understand his past and move forward on a path free of violence.

Children coping with their traumatic past write similar letters in programs throughout the country. One “Worry List” includes the plea “Please help children like me. Don’t ignore what’s going on behind closed doors.”

We cannot continue to allow Ben’s wish and the pleas of thousands of children alike to go unanswered this holiday season. The innocent children who suffer daily from domestic violence are asking us to help break the cycle of violence from which they suffer.

Amy Richards

Ben’s Only Christmas Wish…

This holiday season, Ben has one wish:

“Dear Santa, some people want a phone or a computer for Christmas. Well, all I want for Christmas is for the violence to stop.”

Ben is one of thousands of children who will draft similar letters to Santa this year, as domestic violence continues to poison the holiday cheer. An unfortunate result of heightened financial stress and family anxieties during the holiday season may be increased violence in the home: it is well known that Christmas is a peak time for psychological troubles, but domestic violence incidents peak around the holidays as well.

Ben’s family never celebrated Christmas in any special way, for fear of abuse if Ben’s father were to drink for the occasion. After years of violence, Ben’s mother finally fled Ben’s abusive father, deciding it was time for a change. His touching wish was recorded as part of a program designed to help him understand his past and move forward on a path free of violence.

Children coping with their traumatic past write similar letters in programs throughout the country. One “Worry List” includes the plea “Please help children like me. Don’t ignore what’s going on behind closed doors.”

 

We cannot continue to allow Ben’s wish and the pleas of thousands of children alike to go unanswered this holiday season. The innocent children who suffer daily from domestic violence are asking us to help break the cycle of violence from which they suffer.

Amy Richards

High Poverty Rates Put Children at Greater Risk

With poverty rates ever-increasing in the United States, and continued talk of budget cuts in most every sector of society, Americans are left to discover for themselves what all the cutting back means for their daily lives.  For those who were already hovering around or below the poverty line, cuts to federal programs and public welfare funds means they are stripped of survival support.  As programs are cut and public assistance disappears, children stand to be hardest hit, especially those living in violent homes.

One of the agencies most affected by cuts this year is Child Protective Services.  Funds to prevent abuse of children have been cut 44 percent in the last legislative year alone.  The agency continues to run on a budget designed in 2009, which does not allow for caseload growth, or the needed support for the relative caregivers of children who have been removed from their homes.

The finance problem is pervasive in non-governmental organizations and programs alike, as domestic violence prevention groups and shelters continue to lose funding and many are threatened with shutting their doors to the people who seek their immediate assistance.  Meanwhile, the average stay in shelters for children has increased, pointing to the effect of financial instability on violence in the home.

Poverty and violence in the home have historically coincided, not necessarily in a causal way, but in a way that suggests the confluence of financial stress, a potentially violent background and a general feeling of helplessness can contribute to conflict in the home.  Julia Spann, the executive director of SafePlace, which provides services to victims of domestic violence: “I don’t think that a bad economy causes violence.  The precursors are already there, and then you add all the stressors and it gets worse. Then it’s harder to get help, and for shelters it’s harder because people don’t even have the means to leave the shelter because they can’t get jobs.”

Beyond the immediate effects of poverty on violence in the home, poverty limits the options of abused women and children to free themselves from their situation.  A lack of funds translates to a lack of options.  In order for women to successfully negotiate themselves and their children into a safe environment, they need legal assistance, childcare, transportation, food and a place to stay, many of which they cannot afford without the financial support of their abuser.

While women once sought federal funds and programs to provide temporary assistance of this sort, the options are increasingly limited for help.  Even if a woman decides that she must offer her children to foster care or to a children’s safe home, she is increasingly unable to find places that will have room for her children.  A woman who is unable to find a way to support herself through employment and who cannot access public funds or find a shelter, will feel helpless to leave her situation and protect her children.

In a time of budget cuts to imperative federal programs, it is necessary to reflect on the need to break the cycle of domestic violence, by reaching out to the children who have themselves suffered abuse, and working to heal and educate them toward making their own futures free of violence.  We can hope that as the cycle of violence is broken down, the demand for the programs for assistance to children from violent homes will decrease, as today’s witnesses of domestic violence will go on to foster safe home environments for their children.

Amy Richards

Terror, panic, anxiety, confusion. I grew up experiencing these emotions daily, as do 3 million children each year.

My first memory of my dad’s abuse is from a night when I was just four years old. I know, what nineteen year old girl can remember something that happened when she was four? It’s amazing how the human mind clings to the worst of memories.

It was summertime, and mom was going to take us out to do something fun, just me and her. I loved having mom time, I was so excited! But when I heard that all-to-familiar conversation coming from the master bath, I knew the evening would be ruined. My stomach twisted and I started crying before there was any shouting, throwing or slamming. The tone of voice alone sent fear all through me. As expected, his threatening tone escalated to a shout, doors were slammed, and he threw his can of dip at my mom. Barely missed her, and I could hear it hit the door. Four years old, I knew the sound of a can of dip missing my mom’s face and hitting the next object in its path. Instantaneously, I fled into my room and hid. What happened after that, I don’t know. It was a blur.

This night was a fraction of what I experienced in my childhood. Until I was sixteen, I constantly worried about when the next fight would be. What would set him off, where could I hide when he started shouting loud enough that the neighbors could hear? Although my father and I have not seen each other and have had no contact in three years, the trauma doesn’t die with the relationship.

Now that I am a young adult, I realize that this is not acceptable. And now I know the statistics of how many children are experiencing this. Children who grow up in abusive homes are much more likely to live in the same situation through adulthood. The statistics to back this up are disturbing.

There is hope. I’m not talking about hope that the abuser won’t hurt you tonight, tomorrow, or next week. There is hope for indefinite liberation. My parents separated while I was an underclassman in high school. While the hardship certainly did not cease, my mom, sister and I were free from the physical abuse and constant state of terror.

Self-hatred and emotional damage seized my heart until I laid those burdens at the cross of Jesus Christ and started a relationship with Him. He showed me fatherly love that I had never known, and he showed me my worth. God’s love is indescribable, unfailing and available to anyone and everyone.

I thank Him for the direction to Makers of Memories and the opportunity to share my story of past and present. However, my plan is not to emphasize my past in my writings. I intend to highlight my present to encourage women to seek the same freedom!

Ashley E. Young

Memory’s Painful Images: Donna Ferrato’s Photography

The New York Times recently featured the photographs of Donna Ferrato, a photographer who has worked for decades to capture the lives of the abused in black and white.  Her photographs speak for themselves.  With years of interviews and hundreds of images, Ferrato invites the public to both share in the powerful images of abuse, and hear from the woman who witnessed the events in real time.  Her words and images speak truth to the reality of domestic violence and the pervasive effects on the children who endure it.

photo by Donna Ferrato

In an interview with Melissa Ludtke in the Nieman Reports, Ferrato commented:

I see the children as the ones who suffer repercussions more strongly than the women do. In my experience, women who’ve been abused by their husbands, if they can get away from him, get into a shelter, and start going to support groups, they heal. They are able to make sense out of what happened and go on with their lives. But the children I usually come in contact with, they are like time bombs. In a therapy session, I saw a young boy climb the wall, scale it like a human fly when forced to remember what his father had done to his mother again and again and again.

Ferrato’s images speak to the broken lives of the children she has encountered during her time photographing people living in violent homes.  The New York Times photostream contains images of the abused in the seconds before the violence, during the abuse, and after, as men are carted off by the police, and women find safety with their children in shelters and solace in rehabilitation programs.  The image of Ernie, attacking his sister’s doll after watching his father’s abuse, is particularly unsettling.  Meanwhile, the image of mother and infant resting safely in a shelter, away from their abuser, offers a moment of hope for the children of the abused.

The photos invite us on an emotional journey, one that, while difficult to endure, is necessary for us to understand our humanity in light of domestic violence.

By Amy Richards

The Mirror Within ©

Lisa Baldwin 2011

Oh what a journey my life has taken, filled with twists and turns and unexpected miracles.

Let me share with you my story.  I grew up in an abusive volatile home.  My Dad was in our life, that is my sister and my brother sporadically.  One week he was there, the next two weeks was a possibility that is, if he wasn’t on one of his drinking binges.  My father was an alcoholic who beat my mother relentlessly, I am an adult now  and the image of my mother underneath the kitchen table sobbing and begging for the blows to cease just hasn’t escaped my memory. My father stole money or anything of value from our home to support his addiction.  He even stole my opportunity to have a DAD.    Thank God for mothers who attempt to fill 2 roles, and still maintain their sanity.  So with the lack of love, attention and affirmation I went searching for something, something I yearned for, a “father”. Ironically I did not just find a father.  I found my father.  After high-school I married who I thought would be my savior, my redeemer of all I had experienced,(my mistake) My heart for a man that would protect me, support me, love me, and cherish me.  So I thought.  Needless to say the same behaviors that my father displayed, my husband repeated. He invoked fear and humiliation.  He was cruel and mean with his words.   I never realized how powerful and penetrating words were, and how they lingered in your mind and spirit.  I begin to live in a prison I couldn’t seem to break free from.  I wanted to escape the hell-hole I lived in.  But what would I do? Where would I go? What would people say? And the most agonizing question, What about my children?  I had ironclad excuses to continue to subject myself and my children to such undeserved cruelty. Such innocent bystanders in the midst of chaos and danger their unheard cries lingered and saturated their pillows. Amidst my longing for love, I finally heard their cries and rescued them from the tug of war between the mom  they loved and the dad that they was learning to hate.  An excuse or a fantasy allow the mirror within  be your judge!!!

Lisa Baldwin